i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
