can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I touched a dick in church today
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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