Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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