He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
