i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
