There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
