it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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