So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize