Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
