I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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