Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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