It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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