I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
