I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
