A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
