I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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