it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize