well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
