I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
