Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
