part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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