Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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