i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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