I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
