and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
