i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
