drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
