oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
