Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
