so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
