mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
