I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
