its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
