hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Jerry, you need to find god
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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