My girlfriend figured out who you are.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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