walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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