sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
