So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
