I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
