I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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