So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
