I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
