I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
