i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
