If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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