Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
