so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
