I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
