He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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