I need to stop coming to work sober
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
