when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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