she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
