idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
