I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
