I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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