today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
