Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
