yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
he just fucked me for my cheese..
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize