he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
