i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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