well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
