I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
