she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
