u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
