I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
