Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
