you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
