i don't like sucking hair
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
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