Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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