My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
