oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
