I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
