you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Randomize
