guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
