rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
