He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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