what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
