i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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