you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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