I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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