I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
