next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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