Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The air was thick with penises
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I AM VODKA MAN
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
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