Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
