yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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