hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm always down for nudity.
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