Your face is a jimmy john
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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