He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
