We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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