I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
