I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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