made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
God, I missed his penis.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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