Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I AM VODKA MAN
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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