I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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