my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
