i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
how drunk are you?
Several
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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