My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
